Homesick?

Started about a week ago...

Before I left I was worried I would be pretty homesick. I knew I would miss my two nieces the most, because leaving them isn't the same as leaving adults... I can't text them or call them in the same way.

On the road trip up here I wasn't homesick at all. I was a bit surprised, but very happy with it. I remembered back to my trip to Europe, and how it took me a couple weeks to get homesick. Then the homesickness eased away so that by the time I left, I was excited to go home, and missed things I couldn't have in Europe (like Taco Bell...), but I could have easily stayed longer.

So, I figured I would feel homesick after a couple of weeks, and that it would ease away like last time. However I never really started to feel homesick. Homesick being: strong desire to go home, extreme excitement to go home or a more negative, sad emotion. I had none of that. Instead, I was sad about the thought of leaving Alaska. I started to talk about "if I left". I started casually looking for jobs, thinking about where I would want to live. There were problems to work out... how would I get around, for example. You need a car in Alaska. But in general these were things I was starting to think about.

This lasted a couple months. I was continuously surprised that I was not more homesick. I felt no rush to go home, and though I would've loved to see my nieces, I didn't feel the need to see them at that instant.

While Laura was gone I started to think about all of the games and science experiments that I wanted to do with Evan. I was trying to get Anna to play some of them, and I realized that I wanted to play them with her, instead of have Anna play them for me. I was suddenly hit with the very strong urge to be home and playing them with her now! I also had a dream that I went home, and had been home for a few days, but had forgotten to visit the nieces. I thought I was crazy! Lastly, seeing pictures of Violet, I realized just how much bigger she is than when I left! I wanted to see what she is like now that she is a chubby, giggling baby.

Obviously these three things in conjunction would lead to homesickness. And they have. However, it isn't a negative homesickness. I don't feel like I want to be home at this very instant. I don't feel sad or emotional. But I am just getting so excited about going home!

Really, I think this is good timing, too. I have about 5 weeks left in Alaska, so that gives me time to say goodbye. I don't think I'll be coming back after Christmas. I'm wanting to be in Edmonds too much right now. But since I do love it up here, I don't want to leave here too quickly. So I think this first inkling of homesickness, especially since it is positive and not negative, is great.

I kind of hope that this homesickness grows steadily over the next few weeks -- not the negative emotions -- but this budding excitement -- so that when it is finally time to go home I am unbelievably happy and ready to be gone from Alaska!

Edited to Add: (about a week later) -- Hmm.... I still want to go home, sure... but now I'm worried that I just want to go home for Christmas. I keep switching back and forth between where I want to be. I really love it up here, the cold and snow and landscape and friends and environment. However I also am really excited to live in the same town as so many of my friends.... I am still excited to go home for Christmas, I'm just not sure what I'll do after... though I think I'll probably stay down there... It was so easy to know that I made the right decision leaving Bellingham because I wouldn't have had this time in Alaska without it and I don't regret that at all. I'm looking for some sort of similar "you made the right decision" signal for this decision...